Former England starlet Kieron Dyer opens up on sexual abuse

"You know when you have those nightmares when you can't scream?"

Posted Monday, February 12, 2018 by Marca.com

The legacy of Kieron Dyer's footballing career has probably been one of missed opportunity and injury, however the man himself has now gone public on his troubles with a sexually abusive family member.

Dyer, who played for Newcastle United, Ipswich Town and England, among others, describes the incident vividly as one that has dogged him ever since.

"I woke up but I was scared to open my eyes. Kenny had slipped his hand down my trousers while I was asleep and he was fondling me," Dyer told the Daily Mail ahead of the release of his autobiography.

"I froze. I was petrified. I didn't know what to do. Kenny must have sensed that I'd woken up because he started shushing me and trying to reassure me.

"He kept asking me to let him finish what he was doing. It was like he was in a trance. He said he'd buy me loads of chocolate. He pulled my trousers all the way down to my ankles.

"I knew he was doing something terribly wrong but I was frozen. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I couldn't do anything.

"Then he bent his head down into my lap and started trying to perform oral sex on me. I was still terrified. You know when you have one of those nightmares when you can't scream? It was like that.

"Eventually, I managed to push him away. I pulled my trousers back up. 'Don't tell anyone' he said. 'This is our secret'."

An opportunity to speak to the Sporting Chance clinic in 2011 is what Dyer notes as the first chance he had to open up on the episode, although he admits it came too late in his career and thus enabled a great deal of damage to have already been done to himself and others.

"I was unaware of the person I had become. I thought my stubbornness, not letting people in, going through mood swings, were all just natural aspects of my character," he continued.

"I thought that was who I was. I didn't realise it was the abuse that formed the person I became. I didn't recognise what I was doing. I owe a great deal to [teammate at the time] Joey Barton and [Sporting Chance's] Peter Kay.

"I know that others have suffered terribly because similar things - and worse - have happened to them. I know that some have felt so much despair and hopelessness that they have taken their own lives. I'm not sure why that didn't happen to me.

"I think maybe it was that every time I played football, that was the way to forget the pain and the abuse."